Picture Time!

It's that time again! Time to show myself how far I've come since I started trying to be more healthy. Time to show you that I did it, and let everyone know how much I value your love and support.

This has been, without a doubt, one of the hardest things I've ever done. And that includes carrying and giving birth to my beautiful children! And it's not over yet. While I have goals that have been met and exceeded, I have even more goals that are far from being realized. Things I want my body to be able to do, things that are on their way to being accomplished even if I'm not sure how fast I'll get there.

Last summer, this picture was taken of me at a scout function. It's scary. You've seen it before.

Today, taken hurriedly since I'm running late getting William to school...

Crazy, huh?

I still feel very self-conscious some days, I know I look and feel better than I have in a long time, but I think there are always going to be some hold-backs from at my biggest and unhappiest. But Mark is wonderful about dishing out compliments and lending me support when I need it. So are all of you!

How far have I come?

At the beginning of July when I started exercising, I could barely walk a brisk half mile. Sure, I could slowly wander through a store for a couple hours, but was exhausted by the time I got home. My goal was to run a mile and eventually a 5K. (3 miles...) I'm halfway there! My body can take the abuse of a good 20 minute jog now. With no stops. 6 full laps. And I'm still working towards that 5K, but with the cold weather, I don't know how fast I'll get there. The kids can only tolerate so long playing on the bleachers at the high school in the cold, and I don't know how happy the elementary school is with me having them play at the playground while I use their track.

I could barely bend over to pick something up without looking suspiciously like one of those sumo wrestlers. Grunting included. Now my biggest worry is who is going to get a look at my hind end while I'm bent in half at the waist to grab the shopping list off the floor!

I can sit up. I can get up off the floor without rolling around first. My feet don't hurt like they used to. My back doesn't either. I haven't had heartburn in 3 months. 2 minutes of yoga killed me, and now I can do the whole 1st 20 minute segment. (not bad for wrists with carpal tunnel and lots of planks/downward facing dog stuff...)

Yes, these are all things that have been mentioned before. I know. And I'm sorry. It's just that these things continue to amaze me. Every day. And I'm proud of them, because it's taken a lot of hard work to get here. A lot of self-control. And even a few tears.

Here's to losing 50 lbs!

Total weight lost : 53 lbs. Down 4 pant sizes and nearly 4 shirt sizes.

Any time is Family Time!

Since our meetings were canceled on Sunday, by about 5:00 in the afternoon we were going stir crazy. Family time is totally Sunday appropriate, especially going for a nice walk to appreciate nature. So we picked a trail that went along the Snake River and off we went!

When we got to the end of the leg that went as far as some railroad tracks, we found some fun rocks where the river had dragged stones across it's bed and left neat formations. The boys enjoyed running and climbing around for a while.

Mark found a trail, not a nice paved one, but one worn by many feet walking it. It looked like it headed up river a ways to where a map showed a smaller set of falls than the ones by the temple in Idaho Falls. So off we went! We stopped by a tree to take a picture.

You can see the trail off to the left. The "stripes and solids" pattern here was not planned at all. :-)

We hiked for a good 30 minutes from the car to the falls. In sand. And thistles. Even over this rickety bridge! Mark tested it out first, the water was shallow. It held him, so the boys carefully crossed over. I was last, holding Daniel's hand, and was very glad that my weight is less and my balance is so much better- because otherwise he and I would have walked back to the car!

After watching some rapids and talking about waterfalls for a while, we decided to head back before the sun started seriously setting, since it was another 30 minute walk back to the car. And the bees. There were a lot of bees by the water thanks to a farmer's stash of beehives at the close-by corner of his field.

On the way back, we stopped at the log again so Mommy could be in a picture. I'm always behind the camera, and I worry that when the kids are older and they look back, they'll think I simply didn't exist or something!

Daddy found some cockleburrs on the way back, and showed the boys how they stuck to shirts. I politely declined to be decorated. Actually, I believe it was something like "Don't you dare stick those things on me! I don't want to itch the rest of the night!"

It's so funny when Mommy gives advice, and nobody listens. By the time we got back to the car, the older 2 were complaining of itching and then burning, as well as the biggest kid of them all... Daddy. Who swore he played with them as a kid and they were perfectly harmless. Based on the redness, we went for an emergency run to Walmart for some Calydryl. Everyone had to strip when we got home and shower off and then get all "pinked up". Poor kiddos. 

Musings of my moments...

This has been a rough week in terms of staying motivated. Motivated to work out, motivated to eat right, motivated to clean... motivated in general. There are times when I feel very normal, and there are times when my bipolar rears up and tries to bite me in the tush. Just to see if I'm still here? Or because it's bored?

I don't know.

But this week was one of the "not so good" weeks. I knew it was coming, I could feel it. And there wasn't a thing I could do about it.

I've lost a little.

I've sat a lot.

I even made cookies, and was somehow strong enough to only eat one.

But this means that next week will be a good week. Because that's how things go for me. Next week I'll remember to plan menus in advance, because it's so much easier. Next week I'll push myself a little harder to get to the track, because soon enough it will be far too cold to make the kids play on the bleachers.

But it hasn't been all bad this week.

I played with Daniel on the playground today after dropping William off at school. And I don't mean that I sat and watched him run around on the rocks or go down the slide.

No.

I played with Daniel. I sat on the swing, with him on my lap holding the chain, and I swung. "Higher, Mommy!" while he laughed with glee.

I watched him climb the spinning thing and hold on, while I ran around to make him spin.

And together, we explored the huge rocks. With rock stairs to climb, and tunnels to go through, and slides to go down. And as we were sitting on the side-by-side slide, and he reached over and took my hand to go down, I realized how this journey has brought me so much more than smaller clothes and compliments. It's brought me a childhood. It's brought me the chance to be the mom I had wanted to be.

So I'll take the bad weeks, because they'll come no matter what. But I won't lose sight of why I started this whole thing in the first place. For me. For my family. For the chance to see my kids grow and then get to play at the playground with their kids.

Weight loss since June 8: 44.4 lbs. Nearly halfway to my goal.

Hike! 2...3...4...5...6....Up the Hill!

We've been wanting to do something as a family all summer. Yellowstone? Maybe. If we could remember to pack food the night before and leave early to make the drive up there. The local "lake"? Nah. It's always crowded in the summer. But about 20 minutes away is a gorgeous little hiking spot called "Cress Creek". So off we took last Saturday, lunch in hand, and drove up in the hills a bit.

Look at that view! Cress Creek got the name because the water is naturally warmed and as it flows down the side of the mountain/hill, it congregates in little pools allowing watercress to grow. I suppose you could harvest it, but we didn't let the kids. Nature isn't as clean as it used to be, which is a shame because it would have been fantastic on my sandwhich!

We got there and had our lunch before starting our climb. I strapped Daniel on my back, partly because his little legs are pretty short to hike up, and partly because I was curious to see how much harder my body had to work over 30 lbs ago. No wonder I was always tired! These pictures were taken at the top of our climb, which was not quite the top of the trail. But we had some tired little boys, with tired little legs by this point, and so chose to head back. The whole hike took us a little over an hour, with a nervous mommy on some of the downhill parts!

But it was fun and I'm glad we were able to go and enjoy some time as a family.

First Day of School!

I'm getting these up a good week and a half late, but better late than never! The boys started school last Wednesday, and it's iffy who was more excited. Me, or them. Oren and Nathan get on the bus in the morning, so I had to snap their pictures then. But William doesn't go until nearly noon and I was running behind, so his got taken when he got home.

 They all had a great first day, even if William was a little nervous. The other 2 both went to preschool for speech therapy and things, and were bussed there and back every day. So the classroom setting, all the kids, school routine... and the bus... were nothing majorly new for them when they started kindergarten. But poor William? All he's had is Primary as far as class time away from Mom and Dad. And buses? He's never been on one in his life!

He did great though, and Oren was an awesome big brother on the way home. I should have had my camera, because it was the sweetest thing when he stepped off the bus, waited for William, and held his hand all the way home. And now when I tell him "Shoes on, time for school!" his response is "Yay! I wonder what we'll learn today!"

And I love that he loves it already.

Daniel just had to sneak in there for one, but the other boys had about had it. I can't believe how fast they are growing up! Oren is in 5th grade now, his last year in elementary school. Next year he'll start middle school and may ride a different bus home than his brothers. Nathan is in 3rd grade this year, and is excited to start learning cursive.

And Daniel is adjusting to life at home with just Mommy in the afternoons. How? By causing as many messes as he can before they get home. :-)

1 Year Ago

I was hunting yesterday in my files for a particular photo, when I came across one that was taken of me a year ago. And it scared me a little. I knew I wasn't healthy. I knew I was big. And I knew that I really hated being in front of the camera. I just didn't know that I had been this bad!

Mark knew, and he loved me anyway... Bless him. He's been a wonderful support, always encouraging. And even at my worst physical shape, he'd find something to compliment me on. And I just feel bad that that is what he had to look at every day!

How grateful I am for the opportunity to change. To change not only myself, but the lives of my family. My children eat healthier than most of the other kids I know! They dive into vegetables and fruits like there's no tomorrow. I can't keep apples and bananas in the house long enough to go bad, and they always want to help me eat my salad... I'm grateful for the opportunity to be an example and a support for friends and family, who see that I can do it so they can to! A friend is running with me at the track with her kids some days now. A sister is back into her size 6's. A new friend would love me to text her when I go to work out so she can join me.

I'm grateful for the physical changes that I feel in my everyday life. Everything is easier! Not easy, but definitely easier for my body to do. Things as simple as bending over to pick up something I dropped used to require an odd squat thing while exhaling out as deep as I could and sort of grunting while my insides were all squished up. Now? No problem, as I can touch the floor with straight legs anyway, even if they are slightly spread apart.

I'm grateful for the changes I can see as well. Wearing my wedding band again. A picture my sister-in-law took of me and my face doesn't look like a ball.

 Today's weight: 189.2 lbs. I am below 190 for the first time in 5 years! Total weight lost so far: 37.8 lbs.

These are my size 18's from my "too small" box, and a reward shirt in a 1X. I was nearly a 3X, 3 months ago...

The big 3 - 0 !

The number 30 is good. It's an even number. It's divisible by 10 which is also an even number, as well as by 3. It starts with the number 3. (3 is one of my favorite numbers and I like to group things in 3's.) 30 is how old I turned on my last birthday although I've been asked if I was the nanny or the babysitter. What kind of babysitter or nanny takes 4 young ones out to McDonalds in the morning for breakfast? (We had just dropped the car off at the shop for the day and were hungry... Funny older British lady stared at us the whole time and then asked if I were the nanny. Honest to goodness...)

30 is also, coincidentally, the number of pounds I have now lost! While 20 is good, my goal was to get down to 30, because it's an even number that for me would be less than weighing 200 lbs. Actually, this morning was 30.4 lbs... !

More things I have learned this week:

1. Take breaks. If I work out hard every day than it doesn't give my body a chance to recover. It's okay to take a day and make the decision to not work out. That doesn't mean I'll be sitting down all day, oh no, just that I won't be jogging that morning or doing lunges with added weights.

2. Eat. Although I'm doing low carb, I found out it's important to track my calories too. Because veggies and fruits aren't exactly high in them and I eat a lot of veggies with some fruit. And the basic tenet of weight loss is more calories burnt than taken in. I have to eat a certain minimum or I start getting shaky and dizzy like I was earlier this week. Not on purpose mind you, but we were at family's house and I wasn't in charge of the food. They had pizza, I had a piece of cheese and a tomato because that's all they had in the fridge that I could eat. And some peanuts I found in my purse. Situations like that are actually why I tend to keep nuts in my purse! And then I eat when I can.

 Of course, I can't just gorge myself on steak all the time and expect to lose... Sure it's low carb, but a 16 oz steak is still a lot of calories! :-)

3. It's okay to treat yourself, as long as it's a wise treat choice. I took the kids to Orange Leaf, a self-service frozen yogurt place here. 2 kids share a bowl and mommy fills it with their flavor choice. Then they each get to pick a topping for their yogurt. It keeps the portion sizes small as well as the cost. Yesterday I decided that I'd treat myself too. After all, dragging kids through the mall is no picnic and I deserved it. I was also trying to get in enough food to feel better after not getting enough the couple days prior. But instead of getting a full bowl of the chocolate peanut butter swirl, I got about 1/2 a cup (which is a serving of ice cream and I figured, yogurt too.) of the classic tart. Likely less sugar being very lightly sweetened plain yogurt. And topped it with a couple fresh strawberry chunks and some almonds for protein and fiber.

It was amazing! Not what I'll do all the time, but after looking up nutrition information, I will feel a lot better about an occasional bowl for myself.

I also made the choice to have a slice of pizza. After all day microwave shopping I was too tired to do much for dinner, so we hit up the local take-n-bake place. They (not Papa Murphy's, sorry...) have a seafood pizza with alfredo sauce that I had to try. One slice, enjoyed it immensely as my first slice in 2 months, and then left the table. Yesterday wasn't typical for me at all, and I still lost a little, but it proved to myself that I can have those things every once in a while without losing control and eating everything in sight!

And I felt a lot better yesterday and today with enough food in my system for survival, :-).