Monday, October 8, 2012

To my "Silly Willy"

Last week, you had a birthday. We got together with your Grandparents and celebrated the day you came into our family. You were so sweet, and so happy! You got to choose the breakfast and went for "those pancakes you make in the oven that get huge!" So German Pancakes it was.

You got to pick your cake, so mommy made you a special one. Banana. And you got to choose your ice cream at the store. Strawberry, with real strawberries! There's a lot of times that you don't get to pick the things that we have, because you're kind of in the middle. There's a lot of times I realize you have gotten forgotten in the chaos and I'm sorry. So I hope that we made your birthday special enough for you.

William, you are such a joy in our lives! We went through a lot to have you here with us, and it's a miracle that you are. Mommy's body stopped feeding you, but her doctor was paying close attention. And told us that we had to have you early. You didn't like that, but when you finally got here, we were so happy to have you placed in our arms! And for 20 glorious minutes we held you and knew who you were. And then the nurse came to check on us and told us they had to take you away to check on you because you were looking a little blue and making funny noises.

And it turned out that you were our sickest little baby yet. They had to make you sleep so that a machine could breathe for you. The doctors had to give you things to help your lungs develop. When you could breathe better, you had to wear little sunglasses and chill out under special lamps. But you didn't like the glasses and kept pulling them off. Even as a TINY baby, you had such a fun personality!

When we finally got to take you home, you were too small to fit any of the clothes we had gotten for you, thinking you would be big like your older brother Nathan. So Grandma D had to make some special tiny pajamas for you. I kept them special, so that when you have babies, you can show them how small you were. And how loved.

William, I don't have many pictures from your first year. And I'm sorry for that. They were lost. But you loved scooting around the floor, and playing with the kitten who climbed into the playpen all the time! She loved you and would let you pull her around the house by her tail. Or fall asleep on her. Or carry her around like a doll. You loved eating spaghetti, because it made a huge mess!

Oh, you loved a good mess! Paint, kitty litter... Trash even!

You love doing the things your Daddy does.

You know one of the things I love? How, every morning, you get dressed by yourself. Before you even come out of your room. Without being asked. I love how you make yourself toast when you need a snack. I love how you help your brother find his special bear. 

I love how you stand by mommy and "exercise" with her. You're so fun to watch! I love how excited you get about going to school every day, even if it's hard sometimes for me to watch you walk into the school all by yourself. You still need me to hold your hand, and you still love to be tucked in at night. 

Sometimes you and I have a hard time with each other, because we are very much alike. Sometimes I feel like I'm not doing the best job of giving you everything you need, because you have brothers that take a lot of attention. But I'm trying, my sweet William. And I love you so much... Happy Birthday!

Picture Time!

It's that time again! Time to show myself how far I've come since I started trying to be more healthy. Time to show you that I did it, and let everyone know how much I value your love and support.

This has been, without a doubt, one of the hardest things I've ever done. And that includes carrying and giving birth to my beautiful children! And it's not over yet. While I have goals that have been met and exceeded, I have even more goals that are far from being realized. Things I want my body to be able to do, things that are on their way to being accomplished even if I'm not sure how fast I'll get there.

Last summer, this picture was taken of me at a scout function. It's scary. You've seen it before.

Today, taken hurriedly since I'm running late getting William to school...

Crazy, huh?

I still feel very self-conscious some days, I know I look and feel better than I have in a long time, but I think there are always going to be some hold-backs from at my biggest and unhappiest. But Mark is wonderful about dishing out compliments and lending me support when I need it. So are all of you!

How far have I come?

At the beginning of July when I started exercising, I could barely walk a brisk half mile. Sure, I could slowly wander through a store for a couple hours, but was exhausted by the time I got home. My goal was to run a mile and eventually a 5K. (3 miles...) I'm halfway there! My body can take the abuse of a good 20 minute jog now. With no stops. 6 full laps. And I'm still working towards that 5K, but with the cold weather, I don't know how fast I'll get there. The kids can only tolerate so long playing on the bleachers at the high school in the cold, and I don't know how happy the elementary school is with me having them play at the playground while I use their track.

I could barely bend over to pick something up without looking suspiciously like one of those sumo wrestlers. Grunting included. Now my biggest worry is who is going to get a look at my hind end while I'm bent in half at the waist to grab the shopping list off the floor!

I can sit up. I can get up off the floor without rolling around first. My feet don't hurt like they used to. My back doesn't either. I haven't had heartburn in 3 months. 2 minutes of yoga killed me, and now I can do the whole 1st 20 minute segment. (not bad for wrists with carpal tunnel and lots of planks/downward facing dog stuff...)

Yes, these are all things that have been mentioned before. I know. And I'm sorry. It's just that these things continue to amaze me. Every day. And I'm proud of them, because it's taken a lot of hard work to get here. A lot of self-control. And even a few tears.

Here's to losing 50 lbs!

Total weight lost : 53 lbs. Down 4 pant sizes and nearly 4 shirt sizes.