This has been a rough week in terms of staying motivated. Motivated to work out, motivated to eat right, motivated to clean... motivated in general. There are times when I feel very normal, and there are times when my bipolar rears up and tries to bite me in the tush. Just to see if I'm still here? Or because it's bored?
I don't know.
But this week was one of the "not so good" weeks. I knew it was coming, I could feel it. And there wasn't a thing I could do about it.
I've lost a little.
I've sat a lot.
I even made cookies, and was somehow strong enough to only eat one.
But this means that next week will be a good week. Because that's how things go for me. Next week I'll remember to plan menus in advance, because it's so much easier. Next week I'll push myself a little harder to get to the track, because soon enough it will be far too cold to make the kids play on the bleachers.
But it hasn't been all bad this week.
I played with Daniel on the playground today after dropping William off at school. And I don't mean that I sat and watched him run around on the rocks or go down the slide.
I played with Daniel. I sat on the swing, with him on my lap holding the chain, and I swung. "Higher, Mommy!" while he laughed with glee.
I watched him climb the spinning thing and hold on, while I ran around to make him spin.
And together, we explored the huge rocks. With rock stairs to climb, and tunnels to go through, and slides to go down. And as we were sitting on the side-by-side slide, and he reached over and took my hand to go down, I realized how this journey has brought me so much more than smaller clothes and compliments. It's brought me a childhood. It's brought me the chance to be the mom I had wanted to be.
So I'll take the bad weeks, because they'll come no matter what. But I won't lose sight of why I started this whole thing in the first place. For me. For my family. For the chance to see my kids grow and then get to play at the playground with their kids.
Weight loss since June 8: 44.4 lbs. Nearly halfway to my goal.