Thursday, June 24, 2010

digit, digit, digit

The weatherman on the news just said we may hit triple digits next week. Am I ever glad our house has air conditioning! And here I was thinking summer would never get here...

This has been a busy week, and an exhausting one. I don't know how we've accumulated so much stuff in the last 4 1/2 years, I really don't. There is a huge pile of stuff in my garage, and I'm hoping that for most if it the adage "someone's trash is another man's treasure" holds true. Yet somehow the mess in the house hasn't shrunk at all? *scratches head*

So aside from going through mountains of things in my house, I've been going through mountains of things in my head. It's been difficult, not knowing what's going to happen but proceeding as though "the worst" occurs. Mark is dealing with paperwork and appeals and I don't know what all else to try and stay in, and taking classes to prepare to find jobs as a civilian just in case. I think I know why he's been so exhausted! As for me, there are so many things that need done. I have a really hard time with having so much to do and get overwhelmed so easily. And it's frustrating that while trying to get one thing done, 5 other things fall apart on me. And if I show the stress, Mark is going to feel even worse for this mess than he already does, which won't help him focus on what needs to happen.

I think the worst part is that I have absolutely no control over what happens. Someone else decides if we stay or go. Ultimately it's Mark's decision what to do if we end up out - school? federal job? I can decide what to get rid of I suppose, but that isn't really going to have an effect on our future. Unless being able to rent a smaller storage unit counts?

I've been praying for peace, and even though it's been hard, it hasn't been unbearable. I know that if it wasn't for my Father in Heaven, and his loving support, I would be in far worse shape. So often we are told that our trials are meant to strengthen us and that He will bear us up if we do what we can, and rely on Him for the rest. He won't give me anything I can't handle, as long as I lean on Him. Does that make it any easier? No. And I don't think this is meant to be easy. But if I do my part, support my husband in his decisions, and trust in the Lord that things will happen as they need to, I'll be okay. He knows us and loves us, even if I can't immediately see the blessings that will come.

1 comment:

Rachel H. said...

I can imagine it's an incredible tough thing to be going through right now. Am thinking of you and hoping you find that peace that will carry you through until things make sense!