Thursday, November 5, 2009

Feeling like me again.

The past few weeks have been amazing, finally having Daniel here and safe. But you know those lovely baby blues?

Thank heavens Mark has been here to help, because with a little guy nursing constantly until just 2 days ago when it finally seemed to be a schedule - crazy, but still a schedule - nothing was getting done by me.

And sure, my clothes fit, and I can bend over again, but my hair was driving me nuts. What's the point of long hair if you just ponytail it all the time? How are you supposed to feel good about yourself if you are just throwing a scrunchie, jeans, and a t-shirt on and calling it good for the day?

The few things I have baked haven't turned out so good, and cooking is the thing that I do! Did being so good with food this whole time cost me my chef skills, and therefore the thing that I consider makes me more desirable to people, aka. my husband?

Well, today I took a step to reclaim myself. It took me 2 weeks of thoughtful consideration. Is this what I really wanted? Was I going to wake up and hate myself for doing it? Was this one thing really going to help me feel like me again, like I am special and attractive and talented? Okay, nothing is ever a magic cure, but I was pretty sure that I would at least feel better about myself.

I chopped my hair off again. It was nearly to shoulder length, and looked great curly which I never had time for. Now it's back to short with lots of layers, kind of like that picture that Steph had up when she trimmed her own hair on her blog. Maybe I'll get brave and snap a photo to post.... Every curl that fell to the floor made me feel so much better. I was out, doing something just for me. And I just felt freer and freer with every snip. There was so much hair left on the floor, all these red curls, and I just looked at them and grinned. I have a new bounce in my step today, I am smiling today, and Daniel's latest blowout didn't even phase me! I know the other stuff will come back in time, and of course Mark loves me for more than my food. It's amazing what a haircut will do for you!

On a different note, Daniel is growing so fast! He was 7lb 1oz on Friday, and today I had to get him weighed before some routine lab work. 7lb 12oz! That's 11 oz in only 6 days! I guess all that nursing is working pretty well. :-)


Melinda said...

You actually get dressed? Great; now I feel like a slacker. Jammies suit me most of the day, most of the time right now. Would LOVE to see your new haircut! I'm thinking of getting mine done, too.

Stephanie said...

I've been doing the nothing-but-ponytails thing too. I kind of want to cut my hair, but I'm so lazy that I never style it anymore, so it would just be a frizzy mess until I got my motivation back, which isn't likely to happen anytime soon. Anyway, I'm sure you look great, post a pic when you feel ready to! :-)