Okay, other than the fact that "everyone" diets in the new year, I was hesitant about posting my plan for another reason. This awful bipolar thing that raises it's head occasionally can really put a damper on stuff. And unfortunately, it did.
I have a lot of cupcakes, 50, to make for our pinewood derby this Thursday. And I will not serve a new cake recipe in that large of an amount if I haven't done a trial run. So I did a batch, and ate one.
3 cupcakes later.....
Well, they work! I can successfully serve them! Of course there were the 3 the next day too.
And after that.....
Who cares. I can't afford new clothes if I get skinny anyway. Dratted manic phase that had me all hyped. And double dratted depression phase that flips me a 180. (Not a good train of thought, but it is what it is.)
Please, no "You can do it! Just get back on the horse! Don't give up!" I know all this. It's not me choosing to feel this way. It's simply a chemical imbalance or something. I rarely call it this, but it is a mental disorder. You don't tell a schizo to quit being other people, right? This will pass, and I'll see what energy I have left, and will just try to eat somewhat healthy in the meantime. And if I do get back on a weight loss horse, I don't know if I will post it. We'll see. Because as stable as I try to be, sometimes you can't control having an episode, especially if stress is a big trigger. Because that is something that is going to be a battle for the next several years...
3 comments:
I'll respect your wish for no "you can do it" stuff. Just know that I love you totally and completely, no matter how many cupcakes you eat, no matter how manic or depressive you get, always and forever.
"Chance made us sisters, hearts made us friends."
I know you won't want to hear my cheering you on--
because 3 cupcakes doesn't make or break you...
but I am going to say this...you may not have control over a mental illness--I get that. I have my own very real struggles with depression and such and know others who are bi=polar who are struggling with weight.
That being said, mental illness or not, YOU STILL can choose. It may be more work, more dedication--but you can choose. Don't let 3 cupcakes keep you from the success you were seeing and the happiness you were envisioning for yourself!
(p.s. my mom has a LOAD of clothes I am sure she would give you as you lose weight, and I am happy to pack up and pass on my stuff too...so the new clothes excuse is out the window! lol)
Balance is tough! My chemical imbalance may not be mental, but crohn's (and it's necessary meds) also throws your body for a loop. I hear ya, and hope things get balanced soon!
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