Mark just started his first semester back at school! Bless his heart, I think he forgot how much work it was when he was single and childless, because trying to fit studying and homework and classroom sessions .... and actually working on top of that? Not a piece of cake. Not when there is a family of kids at home who don't understand the meaning of the word "quiet". I'm trying my best to keep things under control but I can't always manage.
I'm so proud of him. He was just called as an usher at church, which is funny because his job has him working every weekend, so he's never at church. Not a situation he or I was happy about but it was the only place that was hiring and we both were wanting to be able to get our own place, get things settled... We both talked about how he was going to do this, had a calming temple session, and talked some more. He decided to just tell them at work about the Honor Code in place at BYU-I, that he has committed to the school that he will attend his church meetings, and that he also has an obligation there now. They said it was too late to change the schedule for this week but that he should be able to get Sunday's off after that. He talked to them even though they had already changed his schedule twice the last week, not his fault though that they didn't read his school schedule clearly enough and scheduled him to work on his busiest day. We were very afraid that they would let him go on the spot, since the nature of his job is that they have to be available for the customers and the weekend is a very busy time. It looks like they won't, I'm not going to let my breath out easily for a little while yet, but even if they did at least Mark stood up and said "Hey, I'm going to church!" If he loses his job, we'll still be blessed for following promptings. Somehow.
And I was debating whether to post this or not, because it's what everybody does at the beginning of the year. I was sitting the other day in my "big" pants and was having a hard time catching my breath. They were too tight! I can't afford to buy bigger pants, nor do I want to as I'm quite large enough as it is! I've been thinking, too, about my very high risk of becoming a diabetic. Both because of family history and my personal history with gestational diabetes. Nobody has said whether my risk is higher after having it 3 times now to get it later on, but why take the chance? I don't have insurance right now and CANNOT afford to get sick. I didn't have energy to clean. I've been battling depression. And when I was pregnant and watching my diet so carefully for the sake of my little ones, I felt great! Why not do it for me this time?
I know myself well enough to know the stress the holidays were going to put me under, with projects needing done and Mark's work schedule. It was all I could do to make in through in one piece, let alone trying to make lifestyle changes. I didn't even try. Once we got them out of the way and were settling back into routines was the time to try mixing things up a little. Before I got too complacent and decided that it wasn't worth the effort.
But I've been working hard this week. I know my body well by now and know what ways NOT to diet. I can't do low fat, low cal everything. I've tried and can't stick to it. But low carb is something that I know I can do, I did it through 3 pregnancies. And it works for me. And I feel good! I'm aware that some of the weight loss this week is water weight, but I am already far less bloated feeling, and my pants are more comfortable. Even my coat is more comfortable!
To get to my "idea" body weight would be a ridiculous look. That's the weight I was when I was 12! People would think I was dying! My goals? First, I'd like to finally be under 200 lbs. That's right. Ew. Then I'd like to be able to wear my wedding ring without painful marks on my fingers. Next I'll work on fitting into those jeans I bought last time I lost weight, that still have the tags and I never wore since I had a depressive episode and gained all the weight back. I kept the jeans. Eventually I'd love to fit into my wedding dress again, because although I wasn't thin, I felt better than I do now.
Yes, at some point my goal will be to have a healthy BMI. I'm not shooting for ideal. Maybe by the time I get to that point I'll be able to see myself thinner. Baby steps. That's what it has to be, baby steps. Reach my goal and set a new one. That worked last time until we discovered I was bipolar, too late to save the weight loss. I've now lost the weight I had gained when I moved here and got depressed. Gaining 6 pounds in 2 months is no joke! And losing those 6 pounds has me feeling so much better! (For example, I woke early, ran errands, cooked healthy meals we at as a family at the table, cleaned up and did dishes, vacummed, did baths, and folded laundry while still remaining a somewhat pleasant and non-yelling mommy today!) I've turned the tv off more than it has been on the last couple days. Dishes have been done. My day isn't revolving around what there is to snack on in the kitchen.
I don't know if I'll do weekly weigh-ins or anything. I haven't decided yet, since I wasn't even sure if I would post my plan to get healthy at all. Guess I should take a before shot? (Ugh.)