Daniel at 3 months

Has it really been 3 months already? Growing so fast, he loves sitting up and I need to find a used bumbo chair for him since he just doesn't really dig the swing.

My one and only child to ever really enjoy sucking on his fingers. He loves his pacifier, but fingers will entertain him right after he wakes up for a while.

I see a small resemblence to my brother Samuel. Kind of around the eyes. He's getting little thigh rolls, a rolly-polly rear, and creases in his wrists. William was so skinny that I love seeing a little chunk on my baby. Very reassuring.

He isn't feeling well today though. I called my mom last night frustrated that he was pretty much refusing to eat all day, and that before that he was wanting to eat every hour for 2 days straight. Very confusing! Turns out that he's a little sick, he woke up this morning coughing with a runny/stuffy nose, gassy tummy, and a low-grade fever. Poor thing. He's slept most of the day, and with him not feeling well, he wants to be held the whole time understandable. I'd want cuddled if I was little and sick too.

So not much has gotten done today, but he's been kept fairly comfy and has actually eaten decently today. Which means he's wetting diapers, luckily. Yesterday was a dry day and worrisome. Hope he feels better soon, this is his 3rd cold thing.

Too funny...

Ok, not funny at all. I crashed Mark's car this morning. What was funny was that I ended up eating Chinese food after all.

I had my appointment with my psychiatrist this morning. It went very well, and I got my prescription, I'll pick it up in the morning.

But then I wanted to get some Chinese and remembered that there was a Panda Express down the road a couple miles. So off I went. Daniel decided he was hungry and I was groping blindly for the pacifier. That didn't work, so I turned my head around for a second to see if I could spot it out of the corner of my eye. Just a second, that's all.

I turned my head back around to see that the car in front of me had stopped at the end of the line at the stoplight! He was moving the moment before! I slammed on my brakes and tried to get into the turning lane before smashing into the back of his car. I managed to turn enough that the right front of my car hit the left rear of his, but we still impacted good enough to completely smash my headlight out, bust out a couple of pieces of the grill, and buckle out the metal of his wheel well. He was driving an '84 BMW, so his was a solid enough car to not take too much damage, and it looks like he just has a sore neck. (he did go get it checked out though, hope he's okay.)

Daniel was crying before, but the impact made even madder! I sat for a second to make sure I was okay, and then got out to talk to the other guy. He was so nice about it, kind of stunned, but really nice. A police officer was driving by so we didn't have to call for one, and we got all the paperwork taken care of. They towed my car to the nearest collison center, and I remembered that I had denied rental reimbursment so Mark had to come get me. (What a fun phone call to get...) After an hour trying to sort out all the claim details and figure out where the car was going to be taken to, it was time to eat! The closest place happened to be a nice little Chinese restaurant on the corner, so the guys from that body shop gave me a ride since I had a big headache and wasn't feeling well from having not eaten in hours.

At least I got my Chinese! And everyone's okay, should have our car back in a week or so. At the bottom of the paper work there is a question. "What could you have done to prevent the accident?"

My answer.... "Let my son scream." Jeez-louiz. Mark's pretty impressed that I was able to prevent more damage by turning the wheel. So at least he's not mad.

Daniel at 2 months

I took this a couple weeks ago, so of course he already looks different. His face is a little more chunky now... They just grow so fast!

I did it.

When we knew we wanted another baby, I also knew that the best thing to do would be to go off my medications if possible. With full support of my doctor I stopped both my ADHD and Bipolar meds last December, and luckily got pregnant within a couple months. Thanks to a wonderfully supportive husband and understanding friends, I was able to stay relaxed and got through the pregnancy without the need for the meds, as well as the first 2 months postpartum.

But I've been having trouble. He's sleeping through the night, but daytimes have been overwhelming. Feeding schedule is erratic, situations with Oren at school have been stressful, and my house is ... well, not so good. And even though I really wanted to stay off for longer, I came to the realization while sitting on the couch staring at the mess in my living room: the toys and food crumbs, clothes, the view of the kitchen table we hadn't eaten at in a month because it was covered in junk, and the dishes that could take up a bathtub - and wanting to cry, that it was time to make the phone call.

I had done my research on the medication I was taking before, and only about 2% of the adult dose makes it into breastmilk. It's an anti-seizure drug, not an anti-psychotic, so it shouldn't cause any harm to Daniel. And I'm starting to think that the benefits to myself and my family definitely outweigh the risk. I'm going to keep nursing until my milk dries up (didn't take long with the others after they started sleeping through the night) because I already feel like such a failure in so many things thanks to the depressive episode I've been dealing with that I really need to keep doing the one thing I've been decent at. (I've gotten him, somehow, to eat sitting up about 75% of the time now. Not sure how!)

So I made the phone call this afternoon, and I go see my doctor on Thursday morning. I feel very relieved, that was a hard decision to make. Meds, plus an earlier bedtime, might just make all the difference.

Debating if it's really worth it?

So, I have an odd child. Daniel has been on this weird kick where he will only nurse if I'm laying down on my side. Except in the middle of the night when he is more than happy to nurse with me sitting up. ?????? It's been so frustrating! I feel like nothing get's done anyway because he still tends to cluster feed and only really sleeps well when being held. But now I spend most of my day laying down on the couch or the bed.

I am THIS close to saying I'll just pump bottles for him. Except I'm actually making enough milk so far and don't want to jepardize it. It hasn't been that big of an issue since we've been home the last 2 weeks on break and I don't really have to go anywhere. But what about when I start making the school runs again, and therapy in town, and piano lessons? It's not like I can lay down on the couch in the therapy waiting room, or my student's lessons, and just nurse away.

He does gulp less air when I'm lying down, so I know if feels better on his tummy to eat that way. It just makes me wonder if I should be happy I got this far and just give bottles so I can go back on my meds without worrying about what those are doing to him as well. How far do I want to go to get him eating in a normal fashion again? You'd think my 4th child would be my easiest to feed. Apperantly not. He's also my worst napper. (Sorry Rachel, hope yours turns out sunshiny happy. :-)) It's a good thing he's cute.

Busy little me!

I love having frozen meals in the freezer for those days that I know are going to be super busy and I just don't want crock pot dinner. But I was down to my very last beefy noodle casserole! What to do?

Spend 2 days cooking! I have stuff planned for tommorrow too....

Yesterday I made 18 garlic parmesan chicken breasts, frozen in their coating and individually wrapped so I pull out what I need in the morning, thaw them, and bake them.

Today I braved 3 batches of Orange Braised Chicken Thighs, 1 batch of crock pot Steak Dionne (marinade, veggies, and meat in the bag- thaw and stick in crockpot.) 18 Swiss Cheese and Ham Melts with mustards poppy seed sauce individually wrapped in foil ready to be baked for 20 minutes and served, and got done 1 batch of Spicy Peanut Chicken. With 2 more to go!

Tomorrow's list is a bunch of rice, to be frozen ready as a side, and frozen in a Green Chile and Cheesey Rice casserole.

Man, there are days when I love having a deep freezer! Because I have also 2 batches of pulled pork for a variety of sauces, 3 bags of cubed ham and 3 of sliced ham, and 2 bags of cooked red beans for chili. Whew!

Of course, my house is a train wreck again, so I had to stick some cleaning in there too today. Boy, did I need a nap, so when Daniel wouldn't go to sleep unless I laid down with him to nurse him, I took full advantage of that!

Merry Christmas!

We actually didn't take any pictures this year, not even of the tree. We were tired! Even Christmas morning, because I was busy nursing Daniel while the kids emptied stockings and searched under the tree, and Mark stayed in bed for a bit longer to see if that would help his headache. It didn't, and he came in the living room for the tail end of the gift opening. Just in time to pop the casserole in the oven for me!

Tradition: every year we make a breakfast casserole for Christmas morning. One of those sit-in-the-fridge-overnight kinds, with bread and eggs and sausage and cheese. Yumm! I only make it once a year, and Mark has finally resigned his tastebuds to only getting it the one time. Turned out perfectly, and we thoroughly enjoyed it.

We were trying to keep it fairly small this year, with 4 kids to buy for. We ventured out on Black Friday so that we could score some awesome stuff for cheap, and it worked! Nathan got a scooter to keep up with Oren, and a neat farm-themed floor puzzle. Oren got some perler beads- those little beads that you lay on the pegboards and iron them so they stay together, and so science kits so he can grow germs and make fizzy stuff. William got a little scooter too- we had to get a pink one but Mark painted it blue for him. He did a proffesional job, because that is his job! William got a huge set of mega blocks, in the nice duplo size. And what to give Daniel? Rattles for when he can finally grip, clothes to grow into since I have no clue what has happened to all the 3-6 months stuff that should be in the box. They dissappeared! (I know you gave them back, Steph, so I think my house swallowed them up.) And a huge fisher price thing with balls that go down a twisty slide, things that move and make noise, lights that flash.... and I mean huge! Not sure where we are going to keep this thing!

Mark asked for a lego set, so Santa brought him a nice, manly Star Wars set. 600+ pieces ought to keep him busy for a while. :-) And one of those neat gadgets that is a set of pliers, screw drivers, files, etc. that folds up into a knife case thingy. That came with a nice pocket knife.

I had asked for one of those huge electric skillets so I could cook up 8 pancakes at once, or 4 pancakes and 5-6 eggs. But I got suprised too, what a sweetie! Plenty of chocolate in my stocking, along with 2 small boxes that contained some earings to match a necklace he had bought me when Daniel was born, and a pearl jewelry set. Nothing expensive or fancy, but thoughtful. He rememered my birth stone, my preference for gold and browns, and that I like my jewelry small. I think I'll keep him!

It may have something to do with the fact that he went to Rigby today though... Something extra special because he had to leave. :-) His brother in Boise asked for a ride home, and Mark pulled some strings so he could take him over there. They left early this morning, and are coming back home Sunday evening sometime. He hasn't seen his brother for 4 years, so this was a nice time for them to catch up. But we couldn't fit all of us in the van without some serious squishing, and I was just too tired to make the trip over, so the boys and I stayed here. This is less nail-biting than the last time he went there without me, I'm not hugely pregnant and dialated. :-) Doesn't mean I want to go to bed by myself though. I was tempted to lay Daniel down in the bed with me, even though he's been in his own crib all week (yay me!) so I wouldn't be alone.

Just had a thought. How I am supposed to nurse Daniel with all the other boys at church tomorrow? We won't all fit in the mother's lounge, there are lots of mommies whose babies are on a similar schedule and there isn't even room as it it. And sometimes the cover does no good because of how he want's to lay - he's kind of odd at times - so I may not be able to feed him on the cough. Hmmm... Maybe a back pew and just hope that he doesn't throw too big of a fit?